I can't save you! Retiring the CAPE!
Gosh, I miss you guys. I miss writing post. I miss being able to just write out what’s on my mind in hopes to help you. Let’s just say a mixture of procrastination and disobedience has been in the mix and I have not been writing as much as I know I should.
Anyway, let’s get to it! A couple of weeks ago I turned 25!!! (WOW, wrote my first blog post at 20, going on 21.) 25 meant a lot to me. It was the first birthday I truly reflected on who I want to be. Not career wise, business wise or any of that but who I truly wanted to be as a woman. I wanted to dig deeper into who I was as a woman, the inner me. I took myself out to dinner the night before my birthday and decided to write myself a letter. It started off with “hey Asia,” lol. I had a whole conversation with myself. I spoke to the woman who I wanted to be and promised myself to let go of certain habits, mindsets and other things I felt held me back at 24.
One of the things I wrote down that shocked me was: “I no longer want to wear the cape.” At 24 I retired my cape. When you think of a cape you think of “super hero” someone who saves, takes care of, handles and completes. I’ve always took pride in being that person. I enjoyed being a “Mother Theresa” to every person I encountered. I loved having all the answers (so I thought) and if we could be honest I enjoyed just wearing the cape, because it exemplified a level of strength.
Until one day it just became exhausting. Before I continue I want to reiterate that I love people. I love giving and I love pouring love into people. I believe it is my calling that I will do FOREVER! I am a servant of the LORD and I will always serve his people. However, I want my service to direct people back to Christ. I want my service to push people closer to Jesus. I want my service to allow people to pray more, give more, love more but most importantly I want my service to allow people to desire a relationship with Christ. When my service pushed people to depend more on me, I realized how distracting and misguided that is. My cape can’t replace Jesus. My cape can’t do what Jesus can do. My cape is only a glimpse of Jesus. It is not him. Because I am flawed, I make mistakes, I fall short and I like you, need Jesus desperately. The cape can blind people into thinking that “she has all the answers.” I DO NOT. I seek Jesus for answers, I talk to God, I do all that! I am truly nothing without him.
I can’t save you, because I needed saving. I can point you into the direction of my savior tho.
I took too much pride in the cape and wanting to ‘save’ everyone. It’s not healthy and I’m retiring it. I will continue to love people. I will continue to be the person God has called me to be without the cape. I’m retiring that idea. I’m not a superhero I’m simply a follower of Christ. That’s it.
Everyday I’m reminded how much I need Jesus.